


Love

by tbmd1066



Series: Levihan Week 2k15 [4]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Day 6, Denial, Multi, Tumblr: levihanweek, mentions of past levifar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-08-28
Packaged: 2018-04-17 16:28:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4673585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tbmd1066/pseuds/tbmd1066
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He should know better than to dive into a person heart-first, leaving sense and caution behind. He did know better than to open himself up. So he didn’t. He didn’t open up to her. <br/>Well, he tried anyways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love

Levi had loved his mother. He didn’t remember her as well as he wanted to now. He remembered her face a little, but then, it looked a lot like his. He knew it had been a lot thinner, though. His mother was very thin. Her hair had been thin too, and black, like his. He remembered one day, her standing at the door, telling him that she loved him, and he remembered the morning she died. He remembered so little about her, and it always made him sad to think about her, but he was okay about it now. 

 

Levi had loved Kenny. Kenny was there for him when he’d been left with nothing, and he’d taken Levi in, and taught him how to fight. Levi had never felt that safe before. Kenny was almost like a father, although he almost never smiled. Levi copied him in that, and he supposed now it must have stuck too much. Kenny had had a remarkable influence on Levi, despite the fact that he hadn’t known Kenny for more than a year or two. He had been about twelve when Kenny left… Levi wasn’t sure how old he was when they first met.

 

Levi had loved Farlan. He’d loved Farlan’s stupid, disastrous hair, and the way his nose wrinkled when he was laughing at one of Levi’s worst jokes. He had loved the faraway look in Farlan’s eyes when he talked about the future… their future. He had loved to dream with Farlan about things, and to plan them out carefully. He had loved even the bad days with Farlan, because somehow Farlan always knew, and he knew exactly how to press his hands against Levi’s shoulder blades, and kiss his cheek, and nose and mouth and tell him that it would be okay, and they’d make it. It hadn’t been true. But it had been comforting while it lasted. He missed Farlan. 

 

Levi had loved Isabel. She was angry and exuberant in all the ways that ought to have stressed him out, but really she had made him happy. She was excitable and childish, but she wasn’t selfish. She was thoughtful, and she made Farlan laugh. She’d always been so eager to help, and she had loved him too. “Aniki!” Levi hadn’t had a sister before Isabel came crashing in, and he liked it. He liked her, and then suddenly, she was so close, and so friendly that he loved her just like she was his little sister. But he had never called her “Imoto” back. Always just Isabel. He never would be able to call her his sister now. He missed Isabel too.

 

Levi did not love Hange. He had been heartbroken too much by now, and he should know better. He should know better than to dive into a person heart-first, leaving sense and caution behind. He did know better than to open himself up. So he didn’t. He didn’t open up to her. 

Well, he tried anyways. 

Hange was relentless! Absolutely relentless, from the moment he met her. Farlan and Isabel had liked her, of course, because she was kind, and exuberant, and she welcomed them when no one else really would. Hange didn’t care about their background, she cared about _them,_ which was just like her. She threw caution and reason out the window and ran straight at them with open arms. 

Levi could admit then that he liked her, too. 

But love? Absolutely not. Love was too dangerous. Too vulnerable.

Levi didn’t love her invasive presence, which was constantly exploding in his face as she leaned over his shoulder, dragged on his arms and shoved his face into dangerous experiments. 

He didn’t love her stupid face, with its dazzling brown eyes, warm and comforting, or hot and burning, depending on what or who she was looking at. They almost always seemed to be kind and sparkling when she looked at Levi. 

He didn’t love her filthy hair which was always falling into her eyes, getting caught in her glasses, and seemed to be perpetually filthy. 

He didn’t love her laugh, of course. It was loud, and infectious, and whole-hearted and careless. The most careless expression of joy he’d ever heard in this world.

He didn’t love how passionate she was, or how kind, or thoughtful, or insightful, or brilliant, lively, stunning, precious.

No. No, Levi didn’t love Hange Zoë at all. Because if he loved her, and if she died, which was oh, so, so possible… If he loved her and she died, too? It would kill him right along with her. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Levi needs lots of hugs. Also fuck titans.


End file.
